October 18, 2011

The Night is Gay

The ate worked on the daughter, and the daughter worked on me. Of course, I had heard semi-horrific stories about Miss Gays, but because it was a Friday, and the "pageant" was just a few blocks away, off we went to watch Miss Gay Sorsogon Earth 2011 (!!!) for what I hoped to be a brief, after-dinner walk.

By the time we got to the makeshift venue, people were still milling about. Nothing ever seems to start on time in these parts, after all.  The organizers were still up and about, waving imaginary fairy wands to turn everything decidedly gay.  The one or two early contestants were balancing on dangerously high heels, practicing their killer walks. 

And then--ta dah--they started coming in.  Four to a tricycle.  It was hilarious to see them alighting from their modern-day carruajes all exaggeratedly dolled up.  It was even more hilarious to imagine what a drive it must have been for Mr. Tricycle Man!

The night turned really gay when the princesses started strutting their stuff.  "Miss Venezuela" was first.  Gliding smoothly despite the tons of plumage and makeup, s/he unabashedly declared that Miss Sorsogon Gay is "not about fame, fortune or fofularity.  It's about loooovvvveeee." Crowd favorite "Miss Korea," who lived a few houses down the street, is a "tweynty-one year old student taking up with computer programmer."  "Miss Egypt" was reed--er papyrus--thin, making him/her come across as closer to a mummy than to his/her idol Cleopatra. Why Cleopatra?  you ask. The answer was forthright: "She fought not only for her country but for the entire Egypt as well."

For someone who doesn't quite like watching beauty pageants because Q&As are just inches short of being human-rights violations, I truly, truly sat through the Q&A without feeling the slightest hint of embarrassment for the candidate.  Diction and grammar and non sequiturs aside, it was one amusing, literally gay night.  (Literal, too.  When asked to elaborate on why s/he wanted to be a "good server of the people," "Miss Africa" took a deep breath, gracefully gave a Sushmita-Senish bow and pronounced "it has always been my dream to have a restaurant where I can serve good food to the people.")

The "swimsuit" portion was the highlight.  There were ample warnings, of course.  (A pageant of the same nature ages ago had wayward sensitive parts popping out from constriction, and will probably linger forever in the pop history of Sorsogon.)  But when the princesses started coming out from the garage that served as dressing room, the collective thought was "how did they do it?"  Save for one who opted for the conventional one-piece swimsuit that looked terribly outdated in the sea of skimpy swimwear, it was a show of skin, skin and more skin.  There were no popping privates.  There wasn't even a hint that these weren't exactly girls!  Which made me rethink anatomy 101.  

In the end, the brief after-dinner walk stretched into hours and hours of out-of-this-world entertainment.  It's now Kasanggayahan Festival in these parts, and the daughter wishes that the Search for Miss K would be "for gays na lang."  I couldn't agree more.  I am now a convert, hehehe. And I feel vindicated for voting Ang Ladlad!


Anonymous said...

Wahahaha, I remember the popping privates! Sir, yes, sir!

kayni said...

I haven't attended or witnessed a gay pageant yet. I think it would be really interesting. I was laughing at the "pop history" you mentioned.

Anna said...

@ tita buds: apparently they haven't found creative ways of restraining the privates then :p

Anna said...

@ kayni it certainly was a lot of fun. much more enjoyable than the regular world-peace pageants :p i hope all is well with you now