December 9, 2007

Positions

I am not a prude. But I am also a very private person. So when an acquaintance started lecturing me on the various positions that are "guaranteed" to get my reproductive hormones going, I was incredulous. The acquaintance couldn't have chosen a more appropriate place: the cold-cuts section of the supermarket.

So there I was, smiling a seemingly interested smile, nodding in agreement every now and then, all the while wishing she'd find a better audience. I was after all, in the grocery for cold cuts: not for cold, hard facts about reproduction.

Funny, but while she blabbed on, I felt like an audience in those you-gotta-try-these demos in supermarket kiosks. Like super-fast peelers or no-mess mops or stay-sharp knives. Only, the lecture was about hormones and positions and timing. And there was no way I could get a demonstration. Or a free sample.

Funny, too, how she referred to the act as "gamit." As in: "gumamit kayo blank number of days after your period." As if the whole reproductive thing bois down to use and utility...

3 comments:

ScroochChronicles said...

Hahaha!! I just got the same lecture too from my BFF's auntie/chef while she was dyeing his mama's hair by their swimming pool!! She was giving me "instructions" on how to "make a baby boy"...I seriously wanted to jump in the pool and get away from her as fast as I could :)

I won't be graphic na kasi nakakadiri yung mga pinagsasabi niya...yaaakkkk!!

Em Dy said...

And the worse thing is, these people are often the hardest to shake off. Ay buhay.

buday said...

How about this:
"Ilan na anak niyo?"
"Wala po"
"Ha?!"
PAUSE. Then face falling, seemingly overcome with PITY, they ask:
"Bakit?"

My golay.